Should We?
by alwayssmilingsam
Summary: Post CS 2016 - Big beds, the Pill and discussions of adopting another baby - the Turners have a late night discussion.


**Nothing belongs to me - just borrowing them for a bit and returning them safely to their owners, Neal St.**

They had been home from South Africa for nearly a month, the weather in London was starting to warm up and Patrick Turner was happy to see the return of Shelagh's 'colonial' nightdress. The first night it appeared he had the same grin on his face that he wore the first time he had seen it.

Shelagh immediately noticed the glint in her husband's eye and matched his grin, her mind automatically returning to their celebration of her new nightwear the first ….and second ….and well almost every night she had worn it in South Africa.

"You do realise Patrick that we are back in our own flat with our children sleeping in the other side of the rather thin walls." She pointed out to him. She watched as the glint dimmed and took pity on him. "It's a good thing I checked that they were both sleeping soundly before I came to bed." She grinned at him.

Some time later they were cuddled together on Patrick's side of the bed. "We had best put our pyjamas back on Patrick. Angela is not quite so confined now she is in a bed and she is still not used to being in a room by herself, she may decide to wander in here looking for us." Shelagh looked wistfully at the cot still at the end of their bed. Neither of them had had the chance or the heart to dismantle and hand it on to the charity box at Nonnatus.

Angela had slept in a bed at Granny Parker's during the children's four week stay there and had point blank refused to return to her cot when her parents had returned. The first night she had ended up in bed with her parents which meant that Angela had slept soundly and Patrick ended up sleeping on the couch after he had been kicked in the chest one too many times. The next day they had gone out and purchased Angela her first bed. Of course the purchase of the bed had necessitated the cleaning out of Patrick's study. Months ago they had discussed moving to a larger flat briefly but both agreed Patrick no longer needed an office at home now that he had a larger office at the maternity home and it could easily be converted to a bedroom for Angela when the time was right.

The first night had been the worst. Shelagh felt the loss of having her daughter in the same room as them far more keenly than her husband. Patrick had seen it as a reclaiming of their own personal space and an opportunity for more freedom with their intimate encounters. Shelagh however, felt it was an end to her daughter's babyhood.

Shelagh was still tracing lazy circles on her husband's chest when she spoke quietly. "Should we adopt another baby?"

Patrick shifted so he could look at his wife. He had been so perfectly happy, the thought of another child had never even crossed his mind and truth be told he was surprised Shelagh wanted to. She had only just returned to her career and was thriving, if anyone had asked he would have said Shelagh was perfectly content with the current dynamic of their family, perhaps he had been wrong.

"Do you want to?" Patrick asked her.

Shelagh was quiet for some time before she spoke. "Seeing that empty cot made me think. If I were able get pregnant and had given birth to Angela I would probably be pregnant again by now and the cot wouldn't be empty for very long."

Patrick's mind whirled with the knowledge that she was probably right. "You wouldn't have wanted to go on the Pill?" He asked. Contraception was not something they had ever had to worry about and during all the discussions that they'd had about the Pill in the previous year it had never once occurred to him to ask if his own wife would have considered it.

"No." Shelagh answered with complete certainty, surprising her husband.

"But you have always supported it. You have always seemed so enthusiastic about it." He was honestly shocked.

"I do support it. I think it is an amazing medical advancement. It just isn't one that would be for me." Shelagh became quiet again. "This is silly, it's not something we need to consider."

"I'm just curious. And rather shocked to be honest."

Shelagh sighed. "Patrick I can't have a baby so whether I would take the Pill to prevent it is a rather pointless discussion don't you think?" Shelagh moved away from her husband slightly but he held fast to her not wanting to end this discussion just yet. Shelagh felt his large hands pull her closer and instantly felt remorse at the way she had spoken and knew she needed to give him more of an explanation.

"As a nun I served God, I believed….I still believe, that he has a plan for each of us. I think taking the Pill would interfere with that plan and I wouldn't want to, or have the right to, alter His plan." Shelagh explained.

"But you're no longer a nun love, surely you are no longer bound by the beliefs of the church?" Patrick questioned.

"No Patrick, you're right, I'm no longer bound by the beliefs of the church but those beliefs _are_ my beliefs. I can see the advantages of the Pill and I would never judge another woman for taking it but I know it is not something _I_ would want to do. If God had blessed me with the ability to have children I would have welcomed each and every one with open arms." Shelagh felt the tears begin to well in her eyes.

"Oh Love." Patrick gathered her close and allowed her tears to fall.

"I'm fine." She sniffled. "It wasn't His plan for me, if it had been we wouldn't have Angela and I do not want to even imagine not having her." Shelagh took a deep breath, this certainly wasn't where she had intended this conversation to go.

"We seem to have strayed somewhat from the original question into the philosophical." Patrick said as he tried to lighten the tense mood in the room.

Shelagh smiled at him. "Yes we have."

"Can I ask what has bought all this on?" Patrick stroked his wife's back gently encouraging her to talk to him.

Shelagh rested her face on his chest. "When we were first married I had a vision of our life together." She confessed. "I imagined a house full of children, it never occurred to me that I would miss my work, or that I would ever return to it. I imagined my life as your wife and as a mother to our children and that was all."

"Do you regret returning to work? You know I have only ever wanted what makes you happy."

Shelagh smiled. She was so lucky to have such a loving and supportive husband. "Looking back I was very ….. lost …. when I had that dream. I look back now and can't imagine that I could so easily give up my work. I love what I do Patrick. I love what _we_ do."

"And I love working with you too. I missed you when you weren't there working beside me." Patrick told her honestly. "Can I be honest with you?" Patrick asked hesitantly, not sure how his wife would take his next words.

"Patrick I want you to always be honest with me." She told him gently.

"The thought of adopting another baby has never entered my head. I am very happy with our family the way it is. I love our children, I love working side by side with you and I love coming home with you each night, I honestly don't see the need to change that." Patrick took his wife's chin gently in his hand and tilted her head so he could see her face. "That being said, if adopting another child is something you want….or need, you know I will love it."

Shelagh looked at her wonderful husband and then back to the empty cot at the end of the bed. She tried to imagine another baby slipping into their current life and knew it wouldn't work, she knew she would have to stop working again for a period of time. She thought about how fulfilled she was, two beautiful children, a job she loved and a husband who supported her in everything she wanted.

"I think perhaps tomorrow we should take the cot apart and take it to Nonnatus, I'm sure someone will need a place for their baby to sleep." Shelagh knew her babies, despite the fact that they were both growing up, were sleeping peacefully down the hall.


End file.
